So I am getting closer, kilogram by kilogram I move closer to my 52kg goal and beyond. My size 10 jeans are starting to look looke and I simply cant wait until they look like wide legged jeans on my ever thinning pins. I give many thanks to Yaz, a new oral contraception that is lower in hormones and don't cause weight loss like many other forms of contraception, so I am shrinking back to what I was when I started taking the generic pill when I was 16. I don't even know why I am taking it to be honest, I haven't had sex in what seems like forever because I can't bring myself to go out and look sexy. I am not sexy. I am FAT!!
I have been pretty lucky so far, mum hasn't really said anything about how little I have eaten. So far my secret is safe that I have returned to Ana, to her I think she just sees me trying to loose the weight I have gained over the last 12 months. All the exercise I do I generally take my dog with me so that helps me and I have become somewhat of a ninja when it comes to meal time, I will sleep, vomit or simply leave the house at dinner time most the time in order to avoid a meal, as my father and sister demand anything but salad, the two fatties like their meat, carbs and fat, not that I don't, it's just I have the self control and desire to be a size 6, and I am not happy with anything less.
Over the weekend I barely consumed 1,000 over the two days, and I have today off for Labour day (woot) and my stomach is grumbling, but I sip my tea and ignore it. I plan on roaming the streets of Albury today and possibly think about getting a new phone after dropping my phone in a toilet (it fell out of my jeans pocket as I was pulling them down).
The plan for the week I plan on eating as little as possible, I have such a busy week at work that avoiding meal time will be a breeze and walking an hour EVERY day. Tea and coffee being my best friend right now. Diet soda I believe to be a great meal substitute, drink it through a straw and feel full from almost no calories. I drink almost everything through a straw now, with a big packet of them in my pantry and a few in a zip lock bag in my handbag.
Another thing I am finding that helps me is my full length mirror, its behind my bedroom door as a reminder before I ever leave my room (which is rarely these days) that I can look better. I have thinspo and poems and goal lists, as well as photos from my HW and my LW to inspire me to be better. So far I guess it is working considering that I am 11kg lighter than my HW!!!
Okay best be off, this weight isn't going to come off while I sit in bed on my laptop
Be skinny xox
1 comment:
You're amazing :)
You'll reach your goal in no time! I wish the same could be said for me.
Your words have inspired me yet again :)
Xx. Lillie
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