I'm not sure who I am at this moment, I have a boyfriend who fights with me constantly coz I've gained so much weight, my career is over before it was even allowed to start and I spend most my days just sleeping coz I have no inspiration to do much else. On the upside all this stress has caused to to gain a little weight, I am not sure how much but I will weigh myself in the morning and hopefully I have gained at least a kilogram :)
My puppy Lilly has been a great motivation tool as I am quite enjoying walking for hours with her along the main street of my town, daydreaming as I walk by beautiful houses and the Murray River that for the first year since I was a young child is full. I also enjoy riding my bike in stead of driving. However my eating habbits have been hard to kick, with no one that quite understands Ana to help me through this journey to beauty.
I feel a lot of emotions at the moment, but mostly it is just a sinking feeling of failure because I am not as beautiful as my girlfriends, who all get ready on a saturday night with their short dresses, looking like supermodels where as I look into the mirror in the bathroom and just seeing the plain face, hair and body that is eating away at me. You would think that this would inspire me to work harder, but it just makes me sink deeper into denial and depression.
So tonight I am going to hunt for some thinspiration and may tomorrow be a better day
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