Australian Ana: I knew it was coming eventually...

Thursday, February 10, 2011

I knew it was coming eventually...

So I had my binge today, after I promised myself I would fast, I consumed approx 700 calaories which I know doesn't sound like a lot but it makes me want to die inside. How am I ever to bring myself to get into a bikini on Saturday when I can't even stop eating for a a couple of days. Damage control has set in though, I went for a 2 hour power walk and after my dinner date with by big brother (I planned on eating salad) I might go for a run weather permitting as it is yet again raining here.

HELP!! Need some serious thinspiration to get through the next few days... I'll blog after my competition and show my ladies the pics of me parading around in my gear
xoxo

1 comment:

Nicole said...: Hey girl! Thanks for your comments. :) I know it is so easy to beat yourself up after a binge, but it happens to all of us! You are awesome and you will exercise and feel better soon. I am totally jealous of you being in Austrailia by the way. I know bathing suit season is scary, but at least you are not in 17 degree weather like I am here in the states! Stay Strong xoxo, Nicole; February 11, 2011 at 1:33 AM

Post a Comment

My Story

The Basics: I'm a 21 year old living in Australia trying to balance a 50 hour working week, friends, a boyfriend, saving for a house, family and somewhere in there sleep and exercise.

Current weight (14/12/2011) 58kg
Highest Weight (Jan 2011) 69kg
Lowest Weight (March 2006) 43kg
Goal Weight 50kg (or less)

So I have had to let myself go, to a weight that is considered by society as "healthy" However this was not by choice. I have been sedated, I have been nourished by an IV bag, force fed, hypnotised into being hungry, almost everything my doctor could think of to get me to gain weight against my will.

By medical terms I'm not anorexic anymore, but that doesn't mean I'm not apart of the pro-ana movement. I used to be anorexic weighing 44kg and dropping, and one day really soon I will be back to my tiny frame and falling out of my size 6 pants rather than squeezing into my size 8's.

I firmly believe that this illness is a lifestyle, not one we choose but on that chooses us. I don't enjoy spending hours in front of mirrors crying, starving myself until I fall off my chair at work, or hiding away at meal time so I don't get tempted to eat a bit of my mums home made German cooking, but Ana has chosen for me to live this life and I will document it here and hopefully have all your support along the way.